This is supposed to be a place where I pen down my thoughts right?
For the past one year, I feel that I have changed a lot. Physically and emotionally I guess haha. Despite the fact that I managed to shed a few kgs since I moved out, I learned a few things about myself in a way. I know I'm not the strongest person on earth, in fact, I don't think I am as strong as I expect myself to be. When it comes to people whom I care about, I tend to get very affected whenever they did something bad. Well, define bad? Hmm...maybe just something I never expect them to do. Why is this so? I don't know. You can say that I have very low EQ. Yeah, perhaps I should go for some classes for that. I thought I'm always a considerate and understanding person. But when it comes to certain situations, I'm not the person I know anymore. I say hurtful things without thinking about how the other person would feel, then when I realise that...I do things to hurt myself, thinking that I would feel better after that. Haha. Silly me. What is the point right?
Maybe I need to tighten up some of the loose wires in my brain to get my senses back.
I always say that I am an independent person. That's quite true to a certain extent...I made a move to study in Brisbane, without having any close friends/relatives with me...starting everything all over again in IH and uni etc...I made it through 1st and 2nd year in uni pretty well, with no major breakdown or whatsoever. Ok, I'm not bragging here, and I'm pretty sure everyone was in the same situation. Maybe you'll think that it's no big deal but I am pretty happy with myself honestly. When it comes to relationship, man...I suck at it. I turned into someone who is selfish, dependent and...demanding! Is it how this is supposed to be?
I don't know what I want. I don't know how everything will end up to be. I don't know where this will lead me to. Is this really what I want and how I want it to be? Do I have a choice?
Maybe I shouldn't think too much. I just want to be happy, be the person I am, say whatever that I wish to say and live the life I've always wanted. Me in a little own world of mine where people live to eat good food, listen to alternative music and enjoy a cup of good coffee. A world with lots of love, peace and music.
